A phenomenon of adult children severing ties with their parents, known as "no contact" or family estrangement, is rapidly spreading in the United States, prompting a debate among researchers and the public. A 2020 survey by Cornell University professor Karl Pillemer found that 27% of approximately 1,300 American adults were estranged from a close relative, with 10% cut off from a parent or child. By 2025, a YouGov re-survey of about 4,400 people saw this figure rise to 38%, indicating a more than 10 percentage point increase in five years.
The role of the counseling industry in this trend is a point of contention. Some, like family counselor Whitney Goodman, argue that adult children's accounts of parental issues should be believed, and there's no reason to make an exception for parents when considering severing ties. Goodman frequently discusses "emotionally immature parents" on social media, garnering significant followings. Conversely, a survey of about 7,000 estranged parents by marriage and family therapist Peter Andersen indicated that one-third believed their children's counselors influenced or recommended the decision to end the relationship. Critics like Northwestern University researcher Jay Lebow caution that cutting off family support systems might leave underlying mental health issues unaddressed.
While initial feelings of liberation are common after estrangement, Pillemer's research suggests that many later report chronic unhappiness and symptoms of depression, an "exit cost" that can include severed sibling relationships and breaks between grandchildren and grandparents. Reasons for estrangement are complex, often cited as past abuse, divorce, or significant clashes in values, particularly political and cultural differences. Experts like Joshua Coleman, author of "The Rules of Estrangement," note that family relationships are increasingly prioritized for personal happiness and growth over duty or obligation. While many adult children report improved mental health, the decision can also lead to instability, humiliation, stress, loneliness, and stigma, especially during holidays and difficult times like the pandemic.
It is important to note that a Wall Street Journal article sparked a debate about therapists' influence. However, a subsequent analysis of the underlying survey, which polled 5,253 participants across two surveys in 2024 and 2025, clarified that it was "citizen science, not peer reviewed research" and had significant limitations. The respondents were recruited via channels serving parents seeking information on estrangement, potentially overrepresenting those who felt wronged and reflecting only the parents' perspective. The survey does not definitively prove that estrangement is unjustified or that therapy causes it, but rather documents one side of a complex relational phenomenon.
