Recent discussions and research highlight a growing concern that therapists and internet culture may be inadvertently driving a rise in family estrangements. Dr. Vivian King, in her book "Forget Them Kids," argues that young therapists, trained to prioritize individual autonomy and self-care, often validate adult children's one-sided narratives without exploring parents' perspectives. She suggests that this contemporary therapeutic culture normalizes cutting off family members by framing such actions as "protecting peace" or essential for well-being, even at the expense of traditional family cohesiveness. King, whose background is in engineering, not psychology, is critical of what she perceives as an overemphasis on personal boundaries, potentially leading to the misjudgment and scapegoating of parents.
The internet and social media are also implicated as significant drivers. Terms like "toxic," "narcissistic," and "gaslighting" have become weaponized online, with discussions often escalating everyday conflicts into diagnoses to justify estrangement. Online communities can act as echo chambers, amplifying grievances and leading to what King terms "online indoctrination" or "mass psychosis." Social media algorithms, she notes, tend to prioritize extreme content, such as posts about estranging family members, over content promoting conflict resolution. This digital environment, combined with the rise of pop psychology, can reduce empathy and solidify rigid viewpoints.
Psychologists like Dr. Joshua Coleman have observed therapists diagnosing parents they've never met, encouraging "no contact" as an expression of autonomy. Coleman's practice is seeing an influx of parents labeled as narcissists or pathological for behaviors that would have been considered normal in previous decades. Research focusing on mothers' perspectives reveals that 52% were estranged from a daughter and 45% from a son, with 79.1% believing an ex-spouse or in-law influenced the estrangement. A key finding is the generational difference in what constitutes 'abusive' or 'neglectful' behavior, with younger generations more likely to cut ties if they perceive a threat to their well-being. Studies also indicate that when therapists frame primary relationships as pathological or irreparable, clients are more likely to disengage from those relationships, and even from therapy itself.
